:(Soufflez-l'hors de votre oreille):

Grow a pair.

2007-11-20T03:05:00.001-06:00

I feel so lost and alone.
I wonder if i have messed things up beyond repair.
Thought i had things under control.
was only fooling myself.
And then i let her go.
Because my feelings got hurt.
I should have stopped to think, that maybe it's not just about me.
Did i once put myself in her shoes?
Try to realize how hard this was for her?
I am self-centered, wrapped in some sort of stale kindness, trying to keep the secret
In her i had the perfect friend.
and i threw it away.
I could always go back
and try to talk to her.
But i'm sure she's moved on
I don't want her to deal with that.
I speak of course of the one that i lost, the one that i love.
Poor little me, Woe is me,
Just shut the hell up and get back to work,

Untitled

2007-09-29T03:24:00.000-05:00

My love for you has bounds unknown
Whatever you face, it will not be alone.
In this ever changing world I will be steadfast
I will comfort and hold you as the ages flow past.
You are my life my love the reason I am.
I will love you forever, whatever the span.
I vow this on my eternal soul.

Finality... the end of all.
i rush to meet it's welcoming arms
i pour my soul, to no good use.
i leave to chance those things i love.
So that my shell might not be breached.

i kick and scream, and try not to be,
the person that i know i am.
Buried deep within my core,
are many things i do ignore.
Most of which are violent truths.

Why can't i face this person i am.
Why can't i seek the things i love.
Fear has gripped me and keeps me at bay.
It teases and mocks and makes me pay.
Dearly i pay as i watch each and every one,
slip through my hands. I can't hold on.

In describable, this desire.
the pain and suffering make it higher.
i writhe and moan and make it worse,
and wonder why i have bourne this curse.

my soul is alight with burning flame.
It sings a song, so full of pain.
the pain of loss, i feel her gone.
Do i enjoy this pain i feel?

my heart is miles away,
and yet, so close.
when it hurts the most, i feel alive.
where do i go from here.
life is a cycle, once again,
the wheel returns to zero.
Will the next spin be my lucky one?

abrupt

2007-07-13T18:14:00.000-05:00

i shy away from love's bright flame.
Sensing only fear and pain.
i find my self so introspective.
Like a fifties book detective.

How can i focus on life at hand,
when i see only you with all that i am.
i do not understand lifes cruel turns,
only how much those turns can burn.

Do i persevere and find love to tame?
or crawl in a hole and find someone to blame.
my eyes shift out.
my brain turns to fuzz.
my thoughts turn to doubt.
my soul flies away as a dove.

A shell.
A broken toy.
A discarded clock.
All these things had some use some time.
But now they sit, lacking luster and shine.

i must decide before the time is up.
it may come soon, it may end abrupt.

Help?

2007-07-13T17:54:00.000-05:00

I'm lost in a field of swirling voices.
Gentle colors bathed in pain.
Their whispers singing all around me.
I'll never understand them all,
as they permeate the air i breathe.

They torture me with shattered cries.
They are the weak, the hungry, the poor.
They glow against an off green sky.
They beg for help, they beg i try.

What can i do, i am a man.
I contribute more than most.
To the pain upon which they boast.
Surreal lights fade in and out,
giving off a pale hue.

Orange and blue and purple are used,
To portray their saddened feelings true.
Unsure of where i am,
Do i walk upon dry land?

There is no substance,
Only lights and voices,
as they cloud my mind,
and rake my soul.

I am drug through open coals.
I am tossed in open water.
I am flung through open air.
I am abandoned in open space.

Thoughts come faster now,
As i begin to piece this puzzle.
Can i help them all?

MPCR (My Pain Created Riches)

2006-10-14T01:05:00.000-05:00

They all laugh and carry on,
while their flesh falls from the bone.
They all nod and smile,
and their corpses fall in one big pile.
Some can come and go,
some are bound by greed,
and others by pain.
No one helps them, no one cares.
As long as the light are whirring,
and the bells are ringing.
This place will always be.
Torment to my soul.

Toiling

2005-01-08T19:08:00.000-06:00

Well i've been toiling away slaving over a hot linux box... And after neigh a full 24 hours of work... it's still not where it should be *sigh. On the + side i've learned quite a bit about the workings of package managers, and I ate 4 sandwiches over the course of said toiling. 2 ham and 2 bacon.

Lets out an exasperated sigh

2005-01-07T03:17:00.000-06:00

So I told a friend that if they started a blog I would begin posting on mine on a semi-regular basis. So here it is... You get what you pay for and I'm not making jack... so you get squat.

<--- Hates coming up with pretentious titles.

2005-01-06T03:11:00.000-06:00

I have no idea why i'm posting this... If it were to actually ever occur to anyone to visit my sorely depraved blog. After catching first glimpse at my "Boring" layout... But i'm just screwing around listening to some Great 80's music getting a little nostalgic... And Wow 1984 was a great year for music. Anyway... If I do have any readers let me know your favorite 80's music.
*(if you don't know any 80's music see blog title)

As far as i can tell this is my top 10:

1. Kyrie - Mr. Mister
2. I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight - Cutting Crew
3. Silent Running - Mike and The Mechanics
4. We Belong - Pat Benetar
5. I Guess Thats Why They Call It The Blues - Elton John
6. The Living Years - Mike and The Mechanics
7. Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone - Glass Tiger
8. Walk Like An Egyptian - Bangles
9. Where The Streets Have No Name - U2
10. White Wedding - Billy Idol

3 in 1

2004-09-29T15:43:00.000-05:00

Up Up in the clouds i soar
Its from you...all from you
you are etched on my soul
and i can never escape
your beautiful smile.
i would never escape
your loving warmth.
through ages past
and centuries more
you will love.
and i you more.

---------------------------------------------------

Waves wash over me...is this death...or life.
Lights flicker calling me whispering truths.
warmth envelopes me caressing my wounds.
lying in this euphoria i am inclined to never leave.
But somthing holds on something sinister, dark.
It eats at the lovliness tearing me into two.
Myself and myself...who is who...where am I?

---------------------------------------------------

Dust will fall, in my mind clouding judgement swaying bias
Pain will creep through my body up my spine to my brain.
Vision will shift causing change.
Perception explodes into nothing.
Darkness comes but there is light.
I strive for perfection but death only comes
I strive for the light but never reach it.

The light has a mind of its own i cannot reach it by myself.
So shall I fade into the darkness, never to see good again?

Fear & Truth

2004-09-20T00:39:00.000-05:00

Those whom are strong, Fear being weak.
Those whom are rich, Fear being poor.
Those who would lay down their lives, Fear for their families.
Those who do not love, Fear no one will love them.
Those whom fear life, Fear death.

Those whom know the truth, Fear the Lord.
And those whom fear the Lord, are Blessed.

Horizon

2004-08-17T00:55:00.000-05:00

Trees green and blowing swirling melting
into the bright blue of the sky....white masses
float weightlessly tumbling and rolling
in the distance billowing thunder heads move
rumbling with every gust. water falling first
a drip then a torrent. wind and water rip
through the trees leaves flutter and shake
wind whistling in and out of the trees,
shrieking across the plains. Grass blows
a vast sea moving in one accord
grey sky melts to blue

Why?

2004-06-18T19:34:00.000-05:00

Beauty's culmination,
no explanation,
Why am i so scared,
what causes my fear,
after exposure to such beauty
How can i remain in this horrid place
drifting through my thoughts
half-finished solutions
half-formed illuminations
somehow there is
some way there can be
somewhere we can go